So, I realized that after I emotionally threw up all over you guys, I never posted any follow-up or let you know how it was going now.
I started feeling much better (albeit still weepy) after laying it all out there in writing – it’s so cathartic. And then I started praying a little harder, especially at night – that Berry Baby would sleep well, but if he didn’t that I would be patient and gentle and be able to help him without having my own meltdown. I’m kind of a terrible pray-er. I lack the discipline and much of the confidence. But I’m thankful that God chose to hear me anyway.
I’m pretty sure that some (or most, or all) of you were praying too, because I really felt…better. In fact, I think that since Easter I have been yelling much less and keeping my temper more. And I’ve been enjoying the boys more too. That feels good.
We put Berry Baby back on his reflux meds, and I’m pretty sure that has made a big difference for him too. It didn’t right away, but lately he’s been sleeping through the night more often than not, and usually if he does wake and cry, it’s short-lived and I rarely have to go in to settle him.
So on all fronts, it’s looking much better, and I’m planning to talk with my doctor next week about trying to get off the antidepressant.
I’m just really thankful. Thankful for all of you who were encouraging and supportive, and understanding. And I’m thankful that our Heavenly Father hears and cares and answers. I’m really not sure where I’d be otherwise.
6 comments:
Glad you're feeling better. Nothing like a few good nights of sleep, right? Be careful about going off the meds too soon.
Keep us posted, okay?
Blessings!
glad to hear God is granting peace, patience and gentleness. I'll be praying that it will continue as you trust Him. I'm learning that even when I don't fully believe that God WANTS to do the things I want to ask of Him, I can read of his promises and remind Him of his undending faithfulness (which sounds weird). Basically "God, Your Word says if that if I trust in You, and not rely on my understanding of this situation, acknowledging You in all I do, that you will make my paths straight... I don't know how You will choose to do this, but please give me the strength to keep my end of Your covenant." Using scripture is really powerful, and reminds me to devour more of the Word too. I'm here for you, and I really value your friendship.
Thanks Dawn - I will for sure be careful...I'd like to talk to my doctor and see what she thinks before I decide anything...
Chris, totally agree with that. I've been careful this time to not try to pray my way OUT of the situation, but to pray my way THROUGH it...so I'll ask for what I want (sleep) but also ask that if that's not in His plans, that He will help me cope with whatever comes instead of sleep. I didn't do enough of that for the first year of BBaby's life, and I spent a lot of time feeling angry that God wasn't answering any prayers...when maybe I was asking the wrong way. I love you too :)
It's all about perspective. From my perspective you weren't "emotionally throwing up" but reaching out for that water bottle of encouragement as you pounded the pavement in the marathon of mommy-hood. That's what friends are for... have water, will pour. Thanks for the phone call, it really perked me up.
Oh, yeah. I gotta remember that. Pray for a way THROUGH it if I don't get OUT of it.
>>I've been careful this time to not try to pray my way OUT of the situation, but to pray my way THROUGH it...so I'll ask for what I want (sleep) but also ask that if that's not in His plans, that He will help me cope with whatever comes instead of sleep. I didn't do enough of that for the first year of BBaby's life, and I spent a lot of time feeling angry that God wasn't answering any prayers...when maybe I was asking the wrong way.<<
I just saw this comment and oh did my heart just fill up with joy to read this. I remember our conversation last year when you were in the heat of all "that" and I shared to you how P-Guy had taught me to think this way and how it had transformed my life and I prayed passionately that it would help you too. Now here you are miles and miles from "that" place and I am so happy and proud of you. So great to be on this journey together, to be able to collapse and cry (and yes even vomit) and have friends slow down to come alongside and lift us up and bear us along. Truly that's how God designed this race to be run. I'm so delighted to get to run this race with you (heaven knows I'd never make it in a real one, but anyway... real is relative LOL!)
I got flowers last night. And chocolate. And as predicted, I took one look at him and couldn't be mad but could only laugh. Sometimes it makes me so mad that I can't stay mad at that guy!!!
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