Prairie Chick doesn’t know it yet, but her post today gave me a proverbial kick-in-the-pants: “Let's all open our eyes and realize the gifts that He has so graciously granted us in this day, in this moment.”
I have to confess, I’m struggling to see them lately.
Berry Baby has us up at minimum two times per night lately, even since completely ditching the bottle, which I was sincerely hoping would *solve* our night-waking problem.
Night-wakings are certainly NOT a new thing around here, but they have developed a new degree of difficulty. Not unlike Berry Boy’s “Tonka” computer game…if I EVER get him past this next level it will not be soon enough…ahem.
moving on.
Before, Berry Baby was waking a lot, but he was easily settled. Now, not so much. His waking is now accompanied by shrieking, and when we get him up to calm him he puts up a huge fight. He doesn’t want holding, he doesn’t want to be left, he doesn’t want a drink…nothing. It’s taking us at minimum 15min to get him to stop screaming AT us and to get him laying back down in his crib.
I’m stressed.
And I’m very tired.
And weepy.
And I’m yelling a lot.
And I’m trying hard not to slap him while he’s screaming at me.
Which makes me more weepy.
And I can’t remember when I last had a *good* day that didn’t involve some sort of meltdown on my part.
Also, consider that it had been my goal to ditch the antidepressant right around now. I don’t see it happening.
So today, and yesterday, and the day before that, I am praying. For gentleness. For patience. For God to hold on to my temper for me, since I am unable to do it myself. And I will now add to that prayer that I will be able to open my eyes and realize the gifts that He has so graciously granted me in this day, in this moment.
thanks PC.
7 comments:
oh my dear friend. I'm only sorry that I am not good at "digging" this kind of stuff out of people. It's not the kind of stuff you share in passing conversation and I am not the most emotionally astute girl on the block (that would be Prairie Nurse heh heh).
Girl, I've been there. Maybe not for the same reasons, but I've been in that mental and emotional state where it is all you can do to keep yourself on your feet and pushing yourself forward. You are doing awesome to be able to even SEE where you're at...
I wish I would have got this out of you yesterday, but I'm glad to know it today, and will be praying for you. I'd call you right now but I'm pretty sure B-guy is just getting home and you are most likely sitting down for supper.
I'm home all week and you know I would LOVE to have the boys over (you know it, you know it) so that you can get some quiet time to just relax with a nice drink and a good book, soak up some spring rays without distraction and take a nap if you so desire. For me personally laying quietly in the sun without any distractions or busyness of mind/body is the greatest (not to mention cheapest, LOL!) therapy on earth.
Love ya, and I'm all yours this week.... call me.
somehow, I forgot that I was pursuing "peace" this year (haha). Not so peaceful around here lately.
I still think that "peace" is the antithesis of everything that plagues me - my temper, my yelling (my temper), my swatting...
I think I need weekly reminders.
you know, I woke up to that same realization some weeks back and put my foot down and decided to put my money where my mouth is. It's been a real good couple of weeks since then.
As for needing reminders, yeah, I hear ya. I'll be your post-it girl and in the process the post-its will remind me as well *grin*. Liz may be your marathon motivation, I'll be your partner in the pursuit of peace. Bring the boys over tomorrow and spend some time getting yourself reacquainted with it.
I've been sensing the *cloud* over your head the last little while, and I haven't known how to open the umbrella for you. Chocolate does a little to treat the symptoms, but not the source of this dilemma. Give me a call after you're awake and lucid. We love you dearly, and you're definitely not alone in this.
Oh Berry Girl thanks for the confession. I feel for you. I am up constantly with my baby boy too. He is endlessly hungry and really sick. My arms and back are stiff thanks to sitting up all night and my eye will not stop twitching. An even worse sight to be seen is how snippy I am with everyone lately. I wish I knew how to stop the screams before they leave my lips too... You are a good mom and you are not alone. You only feel alone in the stuggles of motherhood when you don't open up to someone...
You are not alone in the anti-depressant department! I am also on anti-depressants, and I don't care any more how long I will be on them...I need them!!!
I am sending hugs and prayers your way...
When I read your blog it so reminded me of myself when my (now grown up) kids were little. I read yesterday that "the one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents". How true it is.
Take heart, this too will pass and you will only remember it when one of your grown kids confesses to her friends how hard it is to be the strong, kind and understanding mom we all want to be. You are not alone. Aren't we blessed to have good friends with compassionate shoulders and a God who understands and helps us be more than we can be our own.
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